


My life, my choice

by Krazy_n_Nerdy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:52:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3893662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krazy_n_Nerdy/pseuds/Krazy_n_Nerdy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Running. They were running for their lives, to save lives. Everything was falling apart and Starling City was dying and it's their only chance to save it. There was no other choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a one shot that popped into my head after watching tonight's episode. It is my first time posting anything and I'm sorry for any and all editorial mistakes made. 
> 
> I do not own rights to Arrow ( I wish!) or any of the characters I only use them to share my tale.

Running. That's what they were doing, running for their lives, running to save as many lives as they could in Starling City. These past few days (okay these past few months) had been crazy and emotional and everyone just wanted to cross the finish line for a chance to breathe. 

 

Felicity stopped suddenly seeing Malcolm signalling them to. She looked back to make sure Thea was still with them. It was crazy this whole plan they had and if someone had told her just a week prior that she's be working side by side with Malcolm Merlyn she would have had them tested for insanity, but that was before. She didn't really have a choice now, none of them did. 

 

This was their best plan, their only plan left and they couldn't fail. She wished it was Digg who was with them because although she knew Malcolm was on their side (at least for the moment) she still didn't trust him. But Digg along with the others (Laurel, Ray, and Barry) were running around the city trying to stop the league from destroying more of the city. 

She honestly didn't even think she'd still be alive at the moment considering she thought Oliver had let Ra's expose them to the Omega virus. She had been so heartbroken because the man she had loved was dead and the last time she was to lay eyes on him was only to see him walking away as they waited for death. But they weren't dead. No because according to Barry Oliver had known that there was a chance something like that could happen so he had called them at Star labs for a cure something that would protect them against the Omega sort of like a vaccination. Except they weren't aware and instead they all thought they were dying. 

 

She was so sick of all these minds games, there's only so much a person can take before going insane. But Barry insisted that Oliver was still in there along with Al Sah-him, and that he needed their help to save this city against the league even if he wasn't fully aware of it. She didn't know what to believe anymore. She knew she wanted to believe Barry, she wanted to believe that her Oliver was still alive deep within this other person he had been forced to become. She wanted to believe that their love could overcome these past few months and all that kept happening with the league. She wanted to believe that their story together had more than just one night to it, she wanted to believe that if he was given the choice for marriage he wouldn't have chosen Nyssa. 

 

She wanted to believe all of that because that's who she was, the one who believed in second chances and that there was light amidst the darkness. She was the one that always held on to hope or at least she used to be. She wasn't sure what she truly believed right now because all these thoughts and emotions kept fighting in her head trying to dominate her and take her over and she wanted so much to give in and just breakdown because nothing was the way she thought it was supposed to be, everything was so messed up and Ra's had already caused so much trouble, he'd already cost them a member of team Arrow (Roy), two if you included Sara's death because of Malcolm due to the league. 

 

She wanted so badly to cry for them all and for all the pain and hurt and anger and rage they felt but there was so much going on and she couldn't focus on any of that because people were dying; their city was dying. And so she didn't have the luxury to grieve or breakdown because their city needed them and saving this city was what had brought them all together so they needed to put off everything else again until they could spare their city it's demise. 

"Felicity, are you okay?" Thea asked in a whisper as they crouched in the shadows waiting until Malcolm gave the signal and they could continue. She simply nodded her head avoiding eye contact because she didn't want to be caught in her lies. 

"Alright ladies we've got to move now," Malcolm instructed as he lead the way to the power plant that housed Starling's water tower. "You guys remember the plan right?," he asked them as they hid themselves in the dark and shadows the wall provided. 

"Of course we do, we only went over it a million times! Felicity and I will be dropping the antidote in the water tower and then 'Lis will do her magic so the sprinklers and water meters break so that the cure is distributed. All while you provide us with cover."

If her tone was any clue Thea was also not pleased with having Malcolm along but desperate times called for desperate measure and beggars couldn't be choosy. Everyone had to do their part, and the others were going out and fighting to stop the league. Everyone was split up so that they could cover more ground and also to buy them ( her group) a bit more time, and so far their plan must be working because they hadn't encountered too many from the league, but they had come across a few people desperate and panicked. 

"Thea how are you holding up?" He asked her, worry and concern evident in his voice and Felicity was glad because she worried too. "I'm fine Malcolm, the vaccine worked on me just fine."

Thea had insisted on helping but she didn't have experience fighting crime on the streets so they didn't want to have her out there fighting the league, if they could have they would have locked her up and kept her safe but she insisted she'd help them or go out on her own and try to help anyways. They had given in but not before requiring her to get the vaccine that they'd already been exposed to themselves. With the Omega being unleashed they needed to be as prepared as they could and Thea had been their guinea pig (sorta) to test if the vaccine that star labs duplicated even worked. 

So far Thea seemed fine but they didn't know if there was a one limit before one was safe to exposure ( kind of like sunblock) but time was one thing they didn't have much of. That's another reason to try and finish the mission as soon as possible. They needed to keep Thea safe, SHE needed to. 

They both watched as Malcolm let out a heavy sigh his eyes closed and in that moment they could see he was drained too, with a heavy weight on his shoulders. It was disconcerting to see the mighty Malcolm Merlyn like this because it wasn't something they had seen before, not really. When he opened his eyes his gaze only  
Focused on Thea and Felicity wished she could give them the luxury of a moment of privacy but they were on a mission and they had to stick together so she did her best to blend into the wall and become part of the background. 

"Thea listen to me, I know you might not believe a word of what I am saying and I deserve that because I failed you. I lured you in with half truths and promises and I know at times I took advantage of you hurting but you have to understand that I am a man of flaws. I have many, and the secrets I kept weren't always for the best. I know I have many mistakes that can't be forgiven, but you have to trust me when I tell you that I do love you and I did try to do better for you. 

"Malcolm stop okay, we're in the middle of a mission-"

"It's because we're in the middle of a mission, THIS mission that I have to say this. You have to let me get this off my chest. I know I failed Tommy, I left when he needed me most and I never acknowledged his triumphs and only focused on his failures. I was harsh on him but only because I knew he could do better and I wanted the best for him even if we didn't agree on what qualified as "best". I loved Tommy but I could never show him and it wasn't because of something he did, it's because I'm broken. Rebecca's death broke me and I was never able to put myself together again fully. 

"Losing Tommy the way I did, never being able to fix what I did, repairing the damage and hurt I caused him... I can't undo it. I can't fix it. And I tried, really I tried to be a better dad for you. I wanted to prepare you and teach you all I knew so that you couldn't be hurt and broken like I was but I fell short. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. I know that after this you don't want anything to do with me and if we both survive this I'll grant you freedom from my presence if that's what you want but there's a real chance we might not make it out and I just needed you to know that those moments we spent together as father and daughter, when I've told you I love you and that I'm proud of you have all been real. I've meant every one of those words. Those are the moments that have meant the most for me. I love you Thea and I'm really proud of the person you're now, and the woman you're becoming. I just needed you to know that."

Daughter met father in a hug and it was hard not to see the tears on both of their faces even in the dark. "I don't know if we'll make it out of this but I want to believe that we will. And I'm not saying I'll be ready to go back to where we were or that it'll be easy but you're the only living parent I have left so I'd really like it if you stayed." 

Not being able to take it anymore Felicity looked away, it was the most privacy she could grant them at the moment. It was hard not to feel her heart break at the speech, the moment between father and daughter brought tears to her eyes and knowing that she'd never be granted the same made the hurt all the more sharper. Even with her mistrust and dislike of Malcolm she wasn't blinded to the truth of his words, for all his flaws and short comings he truly loved Thea. Just like Oliver, her Oliver. She felt her vow to protect Thea renew itself deep in her heart, she would do everything she could to make sure Thea made it out alive. It was all that was left of Oliver's family, all that was left of Oliver. 

 

She ignored the pain that those thoughts brought to her heart. You can't breakdown right now, she reminded herself. Wiping at her eyes as discreetly as she could she did her best to give her partners a few more moments before the spell needed to be broken and he mission resumed. 

 

When she heard Malcolm clear his throat after releasing Thea from his arms she let herself make eye contact with them. Thea have her a watery but shy smile, a gesture of thanks for allowing her a moment with her father. Malcolm's eyes made a private, wordless plea, one for Thea's survival. A simple nod was all she could manage, her eyes conveying that she would do everything that was in her powers to let it be so. A brief nod let her know he understood,that he thanked her for her assistance in protecting Thea. Then there was no time for more conversations or confessions unspoken or otherwise, they had already used up all the time they had, the mission needed to be completed. 

 

It all happened in a blur after that. They made it to the base of the plant and even made it to the water tower itself before the league descended on them. Malcolm shouted for them to continue on he'd provide the cover for hem so Felicity along with Thea climbed up to top of the water tower to drop vials containing the antidotes in. They managed that part okay, now they just had to get to plant's headquarters so they could distribute the cure. Luckily for them headquarters was in the neighbouring building; once they climbed back down the stairs from the water tower they'd have to go through the door in the roof which lead into headquarter building and make their way to the bottom floor. 

Reaching the bottom of the ladder they saw that there were still two members of the league keeping Malcolm busy. "Go! I'll catch up to you guys!we don't have time to waste!" 

Felicity wasn't sure how comfortable she felt splitting up but they didn't have another choice it seemed. Malcolm was right, they had run of of time and had to hurry to save what was left of their city. Knowing there wasn't a choice left to make she grabbed on to Thea's arm and pulled her through the rooftop door making their way down to headquarters office. 

"'Lis I can't just leaves my dad!," Thea huffed out as they raced down the stairs. Felicity just held on tighter knowing as hard as it was they had to continue the mission. "Malcolm will be okay Thea, we need to continue or else there won't be anything left of Starling city to be saved and thousands upon thousands of innocents will die!"

They were almost to the bottom of the stairs when they heard the rooftop door open (empty stairways echo loudly) and their hearts stopped and then doubled raced as they heard multiple pairs of feet entering. They didn't know what happened to Malcolm but they did know they needed to move fast because the league would soon catch up. Finally they reached the bottom and opened the door racing down the hallway to headquarter office, locking all the doors they passed knowing it wouldn't stop the league but it would buy them few more seconds of time and at the moment every second counted.   
They came to a room that had a door with a panel next to it, which would lead to the actual part of the office that they needed to access, and a closet. 

Stopping right in front of the main door Felicity pulled a USB drive and handed it over to Thea along with a folded paper. Her heart was racing knowing she only had a couple of  
minutes at the most. 

"What is this? Why are you handing me this?" Thea asked shaking her head and trying to hand it back to her. Felicity opened the door showing there was a tunnel that lead to another door. She pulled Thea into a hug, "Do you trust me Thea?"

The younger girl nodded her head but her face showed her confusions and bewilderment, still she returned the hug. Felicity knew time was running out and taking advantage of Thea's confusion she squeezed her tight for a moment before letting go and pushing her into the tunnel closing the door. Thea started pounding on the door and asking for Felicity to open it up. 

"Everything is in that USB drive Thea. All you have to do is plug it in and the program will automatically start, the password is written on that paper." She shouted to be heard through the door and above the noise of Thea's pounding. She was already accessing the panel to make sure the door that stood before her couldn't be opened from her side. 

"Felicity what are you doing?! This is your job! I didn't know about computers, open the door Felicity!!!" 

Hearing Thea's broken pleas and her sobbing broke her heart but she knew she had made the right choice. She could only assume that the league had bested Malcolm and wether he was dead or just knocked out he wasn't the one coming down those stairs after them. 

"Thea listen to me! We don't have time to waste okay?! I've accessed the building through my phone and I've unlocked the door at the end of the tunnel which leads to the office. I'm locking this one and making sure they can't open it to get to you. I've also programmed the office door to lock itself and go into lockdown mode once you've gotten in, ok? I just need you to use the USB and run the program. It's our only chance to save this city!"

The pounding on the door had stopped but her sobs could still be heard through the door. "I know that! I just don't understand why you can't be the one to do it!"

"When your brother left the first time to fight Ra's he said he knew he'd win and be okay because he loved you and he would do anything and everything if it meant you could be safe. I loved Oliver, and by extension that meant I loved you too. But I've gotten the chance to know you and I've come to care for you on your own merits too. 

"Thea Oliver sacrificed himself so that you could live! And I don't know if Oliver, my Oliver is still alive inside the person who's using his body anymore but I do know that if he was he'd do the same thing because he'd want you safe. Malcolm wants you safe and that's acting something coming from someone who's usually so selfish. I once promised Oliver that I would look after you, I'd keep you safe. Please let me keep my promise."

 

Felicity heard the noise coming from nearby where the first door seemed to have been forced open. Time was running out, and yet knowing all this didn't lessen the pain. 

"Oliver would want you safe too! He loves you! He needs you!"

Felicity offered a small laugh, heartbreaking and full of pain and lost dreams of what could've been, "if he's still himself in there, if you guys find a way to get him back he'll need you more. You're the only family he has left Thea! He's lost his father and mother already; both lost their lives in front of his eyes. I can't let him lose his sister too! I won't. I love him enough to be able to do this one last thing for him! 

"And it's okay Thea. I'm okay doing this because I know that together you guys will find your way beyond all this loss and destruction. You can be there for each other. You have your whole lives ahead of you guys. So please let me do this for you guys because I love you both enough to do this. If there's even a small chance that Oliver is in there then I have to do anything I can to spare him loosing the only person of his family he has left. So please Thea do this for me, do this for him! We don't have anymore time, the league is closing in! So go! Save the city and be brave and be happy and live! And tell them all it was my life, my choice! And give them all my love, please. "

 

The sobs were breaking out from both women, because even when you're convinced it's right goodbyes are never easy to say. 

"I'll go, I'll do this for you because you've asked me to. But you have to know that he won't be ever be truly happy, not like he would be with you. He'll always love you, and he'll never forget you just like I won't. Felicity Smoak, thank you for everything you've done for Ollie, for me and for us all. You're a hero, and you'll be remembered as one."

A moment of silence and then she finally heard the running footsteps from the other side signalling Thea's safely escape. Felicity whispered a goodbye before letting her phone fall and smashing it with her heel for added safety. It was only moments later that the door leading to where she stood was broken into and she came face to face with Ra's al Ghul's smirking face.

"I'm somehow not surprised to meet you here Ms. Smoak. You know you have a great fire within you, a spirit that refuses to be broken even in the hardest of tests."

Felicity watched Ra's as he circled her before coming to a stop directly in front of her. She knew that unless a huge miracle happened she was going to die this night, by his hands. She couldn't deny that she was scared, but she was also at peace with her decisions. She truly believed in her actions and she only hoped that her loved ones, her team who were really more her family than anything made it out okay. She knew that it would take time and adjusting but she believed in them and she knew they'd rise from the ashes. 

" You can't break what you don't understand."

"I can kill you, you are aware? "

"You can, and most likely you will, I still don't regret my decisions because we've won. You might have won some battles and we've lost a lot already but we're winning the war and Starling City will recover. Oliver will heal and return to keep his city safe so you have won nothing!"

"Such fire in your spirit that I can see. It causes me such sadness that you held on to such illusions for I must let you know that that's all those are. Starling city is dying and will die tonight. The Arrow is dead and can never come back. There's nothing left child. It's truly a shame such heart and spirit has been wasted so."

She didn't even see his draw his sword and only realised what had happened as he extracted his sword covered in blood. Her hands went to her abdomen and came back stained blood red. She didn't know what it was supposed to feel like, getting stabbed through your body. Surprisingly it wasn't as painful as she imagined, or maybe she was just in shock and numb. 

"I wish circumstances had been different, because then I could welcome you child into the league. At last it wasn't meant to be. Go and let your spirit be free Felicity Smoak."

Felicity felt her strength leaving her body as she collapsed onto the floor, her legs giving out under her. She faced the door and saw Ra's retreating steps, thankful that he was leaving instead of trying to break the door and get to Thea. She didn't know why he had chosen to leave but she was glad because it meant her plan worked. Thea was safe, she had kept her promise to Malcolm and more importantly to Oliver. A part of her selfishly wished she could hold his hand in her last moments but she was also glad he wouldn't be there to see her leave this world, he didn't need to witness another death of a loved one. 

Her breaths were shallow and coming slower by the seconds. Her eyes were growing heavy. She closed her eyes and she saw random moments of her life play back. 

 

She saw her mom, she was glad she had been able to fix that relationship. She knew her mom would be sad but she was a fighter she'd survive. She saw Roy teasing her and laughing together. She saw Sara patching her up, giving her a sincere smile that started a great friendship. She saw Diggle in his car where he spent the night keeping her safe. She saw him holding her as she cried for Oliver. She saw him laugh and smile at her over a shake. 

 

She saw Oliver. It was a slideshow and captured moments with Oliver were going by fast. First meeting, the silly excuses, him shirtless on the salmon ladder, the smile he had only for her. She saw their one night together. When they both voiced their love for one another. And suddenly she didn't feel alone anymore because she felt him around her. She knew he wasn't really there but she knew he loved her, and that with their memories combined was enough. She felt his hand intertwine with hers. She heard his voice gently whispering in her ear. 

"I love you Felicity Smoak. I love you now and in every lifetime. It's okay, you can let go. I'm right here with you love."

 

Her breathing slowed until it stopped. When they would find her body they would find her right hand stretch out as if she had been holding onto someone's hand, but even more telling would be the soft and serene smile that graced her face.


	2. Her life, her choice... Our loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cure was dispersed and the city saved, yet not one of them felt like a winner. Their victory and triumph rang hollow without the one who always provided the light through their darkness...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly Barry's POV and I will be posting up all of the teams reactions too. I just imagined he'd be the first one to find them.
> 
> All mistakes are my own, the characters are borrowed though.

They were supposed to meet back at the foundry, or the arrow cave as Felicity liked to call it. That was the agreed plan. Slowly they all trickled in through the night. Each always stayed waiting until the whole team came back together, waiting to make sure everyone made it back.

The first one back was Laurel, the black canary having fought the league in the streets of her city. She was bruised and maybe had a few fractured bones, her body ached and she was so tired and weary but restless until she could see all her team members and friend. She wanted proof that they were safe. Her father joined her soon after and he looked older and weary too but he was glad to have his daughter safe and he let her know. He didn't have answers on the others so he did what he could and stayed for moral support. The third to arrive back was Ray, his suit looking like it'd need quite a few intensive repairs in the immediate future, still he was there and they were thankful for that. They waited until they were joined by Diggle and Oliver with Barry's arrival soon after. 

The guys all looked like they'd been in a war, bruised and wounded but still standing. Their team was almost all complete they were just missing their last three members. Everyone at the lair was glad to see each other and kept busy trying not to watch the clock, trying not to notice how much time was passing by. They knew there were risks involved and they all knew that it'd be a miracle if they all made it out alive and still wished for miracles they did.

After several hours had gone by and no one else joined them they started getting twitchy. A few times one member of those waiting started to call attention to their still missing members but they never finished their sentence, almost as if by voicing their fears they'd make them come true. So they all kept quiet and tried to keep busy, not making direct eye contact with one another, afraid they'd see their own worst fears reflected right back at them. They waited, and waited some more. 

Four hours later and finally the silence was broken. The fears that started as whisper then became voiced out loud to them all. They wanted to go after their team members but what if they'd had to split up? What if they'd started their journey back to the foundry only to be stopped by street thugs or maybe league members that still lay hidden in their city? What if they'd been attacked and taken to the hospitals? 

The possibilities were plenty and they worried but each tried to think of a scenario that explained their absence but avoided death. In the end they decided to split up again. Laurel and Ray would stay put and contact them in case they turned up. Captain Lance would check in through his office and see if he heard anything. Diggle and Oliver would make their way to the water tower by car; checking around the streets for any sign of the missing trio on the way while Barry would run his way to the water tower following the path the trio had been set to follow. They all agreed that they'd keep in contact and check in with any findings. 

He almost didn't see him, in his rush to reach said water tower he nearly ran by the almost fully hidden body. He managed to stop and didn't want to believe the picture his eyes were seeing. He blinked as if to make sure it was real. He froze and the feeling of dread that had been hanging around them all in the foundry started to sink into his chest. "Guys, I've found Malcom. I found his body," his voice was heavy and the dread ever clear in it.

Barry didn't really know Malcolm Merlyn only that he was a crazy bad guy but who was Thea's father and so he helped them tonight. He didn't know the man who's body laid before him in a pool of his own blood, but he was told he had been a previous member of the league and so Barry assumed highly trained. It made the fact that even with all his training he'd still died hard to accept because if Malcolm was dead who could say that Thea and Felicity hadn't followed too? 

He picked up Malcolm's body and ran it to the foundry, aware he couldn't just be left for the police to find. He was supposed to have died in the undertaking and more importantly whatever his crimes were he was Thea's father and that meant something to his friends. 

He ran right back to the area where he'd discovered the body and looked all around for more bodies hoping still not to find any. And he didn't, so he continued on to the water tower hoping he'd find the girls safe and alive. He heard Oliver and Diggle say they were heading to the tower as well and so he pushed himself to run faster because if there was more bodies to be found he wanted to be able to prepare his friends as best as he could and maybe spare them some details if possible. 

That heavy feeling growing stronger in his soul. He could admit to himself that he was scared of what he'd find as he zipped to the tower, still... maybe they'd be granted a miracle. 

His speed and his hope for miracles left him though, he felt winded and he clutched the wall behind him to keep from falling as he found her. He was half expecting to find a body but hoping to be wrong and yet nothing prepared him for the sight in front of him. 

He heard Oliver's voice in his ear asking him if he was at the tower yet or if he had found anything but it was distant, as if he was drowning under water and the voices were noises in the background he couldn't distinctively make out. He felt his body sliding down the wall and he felt frozen, like an out of body experience where he was there but absent too. In front of him laid his friend; a puddle of blood under her and a serene smile on her face. It didn't make sense, he couldn't understand it. 

She looked peaceful, happy as if she was just sleeping and having a good dream if only he ignored the blood and the colour fading from her body. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to look for a pulse and find one no matter how shallow but he couldn't make himself do it because deep down he knew the outcome. He knew he should say something to prepare Oliver and Diggle and the rest but he couldn't find the words. He knew that for all he cared they'd care even more because they'd spent more time with her but the words wouldn't come, he didn't know them. 

She was his friend too and he was hurting. She had helped him out on many different occasions but more than her help he valued her friendship which she had given him freely and unconditionally. He cried for her life cut so short and for the injustice of it all. She was a hero too, maybe not one who went out into the field and physically fought bad guys but she fought in her own way making a difference where she could, protecting those who couldn't protect themselves. 

She was a hero in her own right and now she was gone just like that. He heard the footsteps coming down the stairway and he could tell it was Oliver and Diggle. He meant to come in early and spare them any pain he could but he had failed to do so once there. So instead Barry gave in to his pain and hung his head and let the tears fall for his fallen friend and for the pain and grieve his other friends would soon be feeling too...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was always going to end this way in my head and this is what I feel like would've happened in a world where Felicity was gone. There's an alternate ending that I might put up later where it's lighter and happier.


End file.
